i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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