He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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