theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
