Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
soo... how was my night?
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