I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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