What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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