I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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