I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
