It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
