So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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