the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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