I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
