counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
