ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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