is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
