P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
