I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
