Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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