So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
