it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This beer is not sobering me up at all
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
