dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
