we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
