I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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