chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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