Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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