my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
