Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
