Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
