I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
