lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
