Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
