Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
