quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
