The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
