hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
