I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
