hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
