Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
