on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
