i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
