remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
