I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
