Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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