so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
