Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
