Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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