Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
