Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
