Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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