She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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