??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
